I really prefer being called "Matthew"

"matt" sounds like a noise an animal would make.

"matt-matt" sounds like two animal noises.

"matty" reminds me of a creepy band director who used to exclusively call me that.

"reate" is my last name, and although distinct its still my last name. i'm not in the military or a detective.

"Matthew" is comforting to me, its what my mother and sister have always called me. Even after other family members transitioned from "matt=matt" to just "matt".


this whole blog stems from a dream i had last night. repetition is something that scares the shit out of me. a couple hallucinogenic experiments has really cemented this fear. in the dream people were repeating "matt" and after awhile all those people repeating would start to overlap another until it became deafening and a singular sound. it was horrible, this sound of "meahhhhh" and the surrounding "teh" sounds.

i started introducing myself as "matthew" years ago but "matt" still persists to surround me. i try not to care too much during my day to day but that dream was fucking terrifying.



On another note:
budgeting didnt go exactly as well as planned. i get paid on thursday, the big one.